Internet Etiquette

Interaction on the Internet is more pleasant and more effective if people observe a
few simple rules.
Lurk before your leap. If you come across a mailing list or chat room dealing with, say, your favorite author, you may want to jump in with news about the author’s latest blog or latest love affair. If you lurk for a while, you may find that the topic has been talked to death for the last three weeks and what you wanted to say has been said 30 times.
Don’t go up in flames. Flaming is sending vulgar or insulting messages to someone you think has made a mistake, revealed ignorance, or expressed an opinion you find distasteful. A response that is pointed, well reasoned, and brief is much more powerful than an emotional tirade.
Don’t create or forward spam. Spam is junk mail or inappropriate messages—everything from advertisements to pyramid schemes. Delete any spam that you receive and never forward it. You can buy software to filter out stuff from known spammers.
Be security conscious. Never reveal your password and never look over the shoulders of others while they are logging on. They might think you want to steal their password. Don’t use an obvious password, such as your name spelled backward or the name of your dog.
The most secure password is a combination of numbers and letters. If you think you might forget your password—and you might—write it down and stash it in a safe place.

E-mail and Netiquette

The ease of e-mail makes it ideal for casual correspondence, but it should be seen as a supplement to, and not a replacement for, other types of correspondence. Some situations
demand a formal letter, a telephone call, or a handwritten note.
The rules of grammar and usage are not suspended for e-mail. Exotic punctuation, such as dashes, slashes, and dots, makes the copy hard to read and gives it a juvenile look, like signing a letter with Xs and Os. If your system has a spell checker, use it, no matter how good a speller you think you are.
Picturing your correspondence printed out and tacked to a bulletin board will help control the temptation to use e-mail gimmicks. Always use the subject line to let the reader know what the message is about. Tabs and centered or justified text can be lost in transmission. Type single-spaced with a blank line between paragraphs. Using all lowercase makes the message look trivial. All uppercase is equivalent to shouting.
If you want to forward a message, check first with the original author of the message. You also should get permission before passing around another person’s e-mail address; in addition, tell people where you got their address when you are sending them e-mail for the first time.
When sending e-mail internationally, keep the language formal. Casual language, slang, or jokes can confuse and/or annoy someone from another culture.

How to Unblock in a Letter?

“I never know what to say.”
Even people who use this excuse for not writing a letter or note know that it is lame.
What they mean is, “I don’t know how to approach this thing—how to get started.”
Every writer knows that the best way to beat writer’s block is to write. Get the words,
even the wrong words, flowing, and the right words will come along. So, when you
decide to write a note, begin with scrap paper. Write a draft or two before you get out
the good notepaper.
Even in our age of technological marvels, written correspondence retains a certain
power and charm that cellular phones, fax machines, and e-mail can’t replace. A carefully
prepared, thoughtfully written letter on nice stationery is a treasure—something
to be put away and saved, to be enjoyed over and over. It’s a gift that enriches both
the sender and the receiver.

How to Write Letter Closings?

A closing to your note should reflect the nature of your relationship with the recipient. A flat yours truly will disappoint and perhaps offend a close friend. Leave the L word alone unless the recipient is a very close friend. Here are some closings listed in a more or less declining order of intimacy.
All my love Affectionately
Best love Warmly
Much love Best regards
Love Regards
Fondly Or just sign the thing

The following type of letter would receive love as a closing:

Dear Sandy:
You know me so well! I’m dashing through my living room in another headlong rush to another boring meeting, and I see your flowers and remember your admonition, “Take time to smell the flowers.” So, I am taking time—time to write this note and time to smell the flowers. They smell wonderful. They smell like friendship.
Love,
Mary

How to Insert Quotes?

“No wise man ever wished to be younger.”
Jonathan Swift

Sometimes a quote sends just the right message. Every library has books of quotations. A paperback book of quotes for your library is a good investment even if it comes to your rescue only once.
You can even use a tired old saw such as “You inherit your family but you choose your friends.” But you have to follow up with something like “With you in my family, I feel as if I am an heir to a fortune.” Or “I am so glad you chose me to be a friend.”

How to Write Letter Openers?

You can always use these perennial openers:

• What a … can be followed by great trip, nifty surprise, grand occasion, or excellent gift. Another similar beginning is That was a ….
• I was thinking (or remembering) ….
• I can’t tell you how much ….

You can probably come up with a few perennials of your own. When you find a good one, write it down for future use. But remember that perennials wear easily and should be used sparingly.

How to Write Notes?

Sometimes you have a great thought about a certain person or situation that you
want to share. Of course, you can always place a phone call, but you know what usually happens. You have an idea of what you want to say, not the exact words, but an idea. You may hesitate. The other person says something. The mood shifts. The moment is gone.
On paper you can say exactly what you want to say, and you can take your time in
finding the very words that you know will please the object of your thoughts, affection,
concern.
A note can work the magic. It doesn’t have to be long (Wish I was there—with you).
It doesn’t have to be poetic (I wish you chicken soup). It doesn’t have to be particularly
clever (It was great to see you last week. Happily, you haven’t changed a bit).
While drafting your note, think about these points:

• The recipient. Is it an intimate friend, someone you feel affection for, a person you know and like and would like to know better, someone you know only slightly? A personal reference to that individual or to your relationship separates your note from the anonymous platitudes on printed greeting cards.
• The occasion. A birthday is not the same as a confirmation or bar mitzvah. Are you sharing someone’s joy, offering condolences, helping to mark a milestone in life?
• The root message. When you know what you want to say, you can find pleasing or proper ways of delivering the message. Some root messages are …

I love you.
I miss you.
Thank you.
Sorry you’re sick.
Congratulations.

When writing a note on an informal note card, don’t write anything on the front if it
has a monogram in the center of the page. Short notes go inside under the fold. If the
note is longer, lay the paper out flat, start the note at the top of the page, and continue
onto the bottom half of the back page. Sometimes you cannot write on the back of
the monogram or engraving because of the indentation.

How to Write Complaint Letters?

One situation in which a face-to-face conversation is preferable to a letter is when you have a complaint about the behavior of a neighbor or friend. Keep things as pleasant and nonconfrontational as possible.
However, a letter to a retailer, business, or government agency is sometimes necessary.
Keep your letter as unemotional as possible and state the facts emphatically.
Keep a copy of the letter and follow up within a week with a telephone call.

To Whom It May Concern:
On May 1, 1996, I purchased a Populux 5000 dishwasher from your firm, and it was installed at my home a week later. I have had trouble with it ever since.
First, there was a leak under my sink. Your repairman came four days after I reported the leak and left without fixing it, saying he did not have a certain part with him. When he did not return within three days, I called to complain. Two days after that, he returned.
He worked for more than two hours in my kitchen. When he left, the leak was fixed, but the dishwasher did not work at all. I called again, and another repairman came three days after the call. He said the problem was with the wiring in my kitchen and that I should call an electrician. I did. The electrician said the wiring is fine and charged me $45. I have now had this dishwasher for one month and have yet to wash a single dish in it. Because your people apparently are unable to repair this machine, you should replace it or refund my purchase price. Please contact me as soon as possible concerning this matter.
Sincerely,
Paula Smith

How to Write Letters to Politicians and Other Power Brokers?

Letters to people in power do have an effect. Ask any politician. These letters should be

• Concise. Put the heart of your message at the very beginning of the letter.
• Unemotional. Don’t carp or bluster. State your position and the reasons for it with as little emotion as possible.
• Identifiable. Say whom you represent. You may be speaking for a group or organization, or you may be writing as a father, businessman, or just concerned citizen.

Dear Senator Fulton:
I am writing to oppose the proposal to drain the wetlands in the Westphalia section of your district. As you know, wetlands are a critical part of the ecosystem in that area. Draining would not only damage the environment there, but would bring in the sort of development that would put great strain on the area. I am writing as a resident of Westphalia, as well as someone concerned about the dangerous erosion of the environment through overdevelopment.
I hope you will vote no on SB 188 when it comes before your committee.
Yours truly,
Elizabeth Gordon

You can be even more terse when writing to the White House. The president almost certainly will not see your letter. However, staff people keep a careful tab on how many people are writing with opinions on each issue, and these tabulations are passed along to the president.

Dear Mr. President:
I strongly oppose the idea of sending American troops to Bolivia. In fact, I oppose military intervention in the affairs of any nation in the Americas.
Sincerely,
Robert Anderson

Writing Dear John Letter

The overriding objective in this case is to end a romantic relationship with as little pain to the other person as possible.

• You have to start with a straightforward statement giving the reason for the letter.
• Apologize and offer an explanation that does not blame the other person, something—if possible—that is beyond the control of either of you.
• If there is blame involved, blame yourself.
• Don’t lie.
• Don’t leave the door open—not even by a crack.

Dear Robert:
After a lot of thought and soul searching, I have come to the realization that it is time to bring our relationship to an end. Our personalities, interests, and backgrounds are so different that conflicts and unhappiness are inevitable for both of us. I am firmly convinced that I will never be the sort of woman who would fit into your world. I am sure that you will come to realize that as well. I recognize that the reason for this is a lack of flexibility on my part, but I can’t seem to help it.
I think we should make a clean break and not try to contact each other again. I wish you nothing but success and happiness.
Sincerely,
Mary

How to Write Apology Letters?

If you’ve offended someone and are sorry about it, the best thing to do is apologize in person and follow up with a letter. In any case the letter must say clearly and humbly that you are sorry. If there is some way in which you can make amends, promise to do so.

Dear Mrs. Fitzhugh:
Please accept my sincere apology for having failed to attend your dinner party after assuring you that I would be there. I know how the unexpected absence of a guest can upset the plans of a hostess and am deeply sorry for any distress I may have caused. My guilt is even greater because I do not have the excuse of a family emergency or other crisis. I simply got the date wrong, and forgot to check to make sure.
Once again, I most humbly apologize and hope that you will forgive my carelessness.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth

How to Write Congratulation Letters?

The congratulation letter is one of the easiest and happiest of letters to write. It is also the sort of letter that a family may keep for years.

Dear Mark:

Congratulations on receiving the fellowship and study grant from Princeton. It is not only a tribute to your brilliance and hard work, but it will give you the opportunity to explore some of the avenues of investigation we have been talking about so wistfully. All of us here at the lab share the joy of this moment with you. We will miss you during the term of your studies and look forward to welcoming you back.

With best wishes,

Jerry

Writing Condolence Letters

A letter of condolence should do three things:

1. Acknowledge what a terrible loss the death is for the bereaved and that you sympathize with his or her suffering to some degree
2. Convey a sincere desire to help in some way during this time of grief
3. Praise the accomplishments, character, and devotion of the deceased Remember that many people may read this letter, and it may be saved as part of the family archives. Therefore, although it will be personal, the style should be at least somewhat formal.

In a condolence letter, avoid stressing how much you feel bereaved. The purpose of the letter is to comfort others, not to have them feel sorry for you. Writing after you have heard some bad news about a friend or acquaintance is a different matter. In this letter, you want to convey not only support but also a bit of optimism.

Dear Mrs. Thompson:
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the terrible loss of your fine husband, George, even though I know no words of mine can ease your grief.
I met George on my first day of work at MicroTech, and I will never forget his kindness to me, a confused newcomer. He helped me to get settled and to understand how things worked there—all out of the goodness of his heart. George had that rare combination of kindness, good humor, and competence.
I think you know that we live just a few blocks away, and if there is anything I or my family can do to help during the days ahead, we would consider it a privilege if you would call upon us.
Yours,
Tom

Dear Margaret:
We just heard that Tom was among those laid off at MicroTech. I know it must be a shock for you and your family. Joe and I will be home all weekend in case you and Tom want to stop by for a drink or dinner or just to chat.
Warmly,
Helen

Thank-You Letters

These notes can be boring—boring to write, boring to read: “Thank you for the present. It was nice of you to think of me.” To avoid this sort of letter, you can follow my foolproof, three-step formula:

1. Be sure to thank the person for the specific gift and mention the gift by name.
2. Acknowledge the effort and energy the giver put into selecting, purchasing, or making the gift.
3. Let the giver know how you have used or will use the gift. When thanking someone for a gift of money, don’t mention the amount in your letter of thanks. A reference to “your generous gift” will suffice.

When you refuse a gift, a letter, or at least a note, is required. It should say that you don’t feel you can accept the gift (perhaps in the case of a woman receiving expensive jewelry from a male acquaintance) but that you appreciate the thought.

Dear Helen:
Tom and I and the two girls want to thank you very much for the handsome Deluxe Edition Monopoly game you gave the family. I happen to know that you can’t get this beautifully produced version of the game at most stores, and you must have had to do some shopping around to find it. The four of us spent last night playing the game. (Tammy won.) Your gift has made this familiar game very special for us.
Fondly,
Margaret

Letters and Children

It’s never too early for children to learn the importance of writing letters. Even before children can write, you can let them know that you’re writing to Aunt Margaret to thank her for the dollhouse she sent them. Remember that a thank-you letter from a first grader does not have to be spelled correctly or look just right. Just don’t let your child get away with sending a preprinted thank-you card without adding a personal message.

Perfecting Letter Grammar

A letter on the best stationery, properly organized and beautifully presented, can be utterly ruined by one grammatical error. These errors can also have a nasty effect upon your reputation. Grammatical traps like to lurk in lengthy sentences. Brief, direct sentences are generally safer and have the added merit of being easier on the reader.
Here’s a reference list of some of the most common grammatical errors:

• Between you and I. When you and I follows a preposition—such as between, to, or for—it becomes you and me.
• Avoid the phrase I, myself. In fact, use myself only for emphasis.
• Fewer refers to items, things you can count. Less refers to quantities such as water, effort, and time. (Yes, those supermarket signs that read “12 items or less” are ungrammatical.) Similarly, farther refers to actual distance, as in a mile farther, whereas further indicates an extension, as in further discussion.
• Don’t use irregardless when you mean regardless. Irregardless is not a word.
• Avoid writing that you feel badly. It means you aren’t very good at feeling things, in a tactile sense.
• Capitol is the building. Capital is everything else.
• The speaker implies; the listener infers.
• Make sure that nouns and verbs agree; for example, a group of employees is (not are) arriving.

Needless to say, there’s a lot more to grammar than just the information contained in these tips. If you’re unsure of a rule, take the time to look it up or ask someone who knows.

Letter Do’s and Don’ts

Over the years certain customs dealing with how the elements of a letter should be organized on the page have evolved and have been pretty much universally accepted. Knowing how the skeleton of a letter should look allows you to concentrate on the essential message you want to convey. Accordingly, here are some general rules for writing business or social letters:

• If your address is not printed at the top of the page, write it in the upper-right corner. (Don’t bother if the person you’re writing to knows perfectly well where you live.)
• The date goes under the address at the upper-right or at the bottom-left corner. Write out the month in more formal letters or if you think the letter might be preserved for posterity.
• The salutation goes flush left.
• Leave a space, indent, and begin the body of the letter.

The complimentary close goes to the right, and it can take many forms:

• Love is a wonderful thing and you can use it to close a letter if you’re writing to a family member or close friend. You can also use fondly and affectionately.
• If you don’t know the person very well, try closing with as ever or as always or all best wishes. A stalwart standby is sincerely, and you can soften it by putting very or yours in front.
• Cordially is considered to be out-of-date, but I like it and still use it because it is correct and, I think, warm.
• Gratefully is great for letters of thanks.
• Respectfully and respectfully yours are reserved for the clergy.

123 Margo St.
Hartford, CT 93433
Aug. 11, 2008

Dear Mr. Petersen:
Thank you so much for your letter of August 9. It certainly brought good news. We have had no difficulty organizing the workers according to your instructions, and I am certain you will be pleased with operations when you arrive for your inspection tour in January.

Sincerely,
Horace Grant

• Fold letter sheets vertically with the fold on the left, somewhat like a handwritten brochure. Start writing on page 1 and go to page 3 if the letter runs to a second page. Go with the usual sequence (1,2,3,4) if the letter requires all four pages. Number the pages as you write.
• Dear Madam and Dear Sirs are outdated if you are writing to a store, for example. It is better to use To whom it may concern if you are writing to an unknown person.
• If you fold a letter twice, fold the bottom third first and then the top third. The letter should be inserted into the envelope so that when it is removed and unfolded, it is ready to be read—right side up and facing the reader. A letter that is folded only once doesn’t require special treatment. Leave letters unsealed if they are to be hand delivered unless they are of a highly personal nature.

Postcards are useful for sending out notices of meetings or confirming appointments. They can be used as thank-you notes for casual parties, but never for dinner, gifts, or for being a houseguest.

The Proper Letter Format

Some people have trouble starting a letter but, once started, can continue comfortably. It’s a good idea to mentally go over the main things you want to say before starting. You can begin with a bit of good news:
“You will be glad to hear that ….” You can describe what you have been doing that day or depict the room in which you are writing. You can also refer to the most recent correspondence or the last time you met the person to whom you are writing. Don’t open a letter by apologizing for not writing sooner. You can say something like “You may have thought I’d forgotten all about you, but really, you have been in my thoughts often lately. It’s just that there’s been a lot going on. For instance ….” Letters, by their nature, convey news. Therefore, in the body of the letter, talk about what has been happening to you and to those you both know. Talk about shared interests. Keep the tone conversational and let it flow.
End formal letters with a sincerely and progress toward familiarity with yours truly, regards, best wishes, affectionately, love, and so on. The most informal and affectionate letters may end with miss you or write soon or more later.

Arranging Personal Letters

Simplicity and clarity lend grace to what we call plain language. The thoughts and ideas that touch another person most profoundly should not be hidden by or entangled in convoluted phrases and unfamiliar words.
The best letters reflect the personality of the writer. In a way, the letter is a gift of that personality to the reader. This idea is reflected in a letter cited for its virtues in Etiquette Letter Writer, published by J. P. Lippincott and Co., Philadelphia, 1875.

To her I very much respect—Mrs. Margaret Clark—Lovely, and oh! that I could write loving, Mrs. Margaret Clark; I pray you let affection excuse presumption.
Having been so happy as to enjoy the sight of your sweet countenance and comely body sometimes, when I had occasion to buy treacle or liquorish [sic] powder at the apothecary’s shop. I am so enamored with you, that I can no more keep close my flaming desire to become your servant. And I am the more bold now to write to your sweet self, because I am now my own man and may match where I please; for my father is taken away, and now I am come into my living.
If you think well of this notion I shall wait upon you as soon as my new clothes is made and hay harvest is in. Your loving servant till death.

Mr. Gabriel Bullock

The virtues of this letter include

• Mr. Bullock’s intentions and his reason for writing are made plain. There is nothing ambiguous about his feeling for the comely Mrs. Clark.
• He makes his situation clear. He is obviously a man of substance presenting an honorable proposal.
• He does not discuss the weather, his health problems, or nasty local gossip. Keep these qualities in mind the next time you write a personal letter to someone.