How to Deal with Vegetarians?

If you are a vegetarian, you have a responsibility to let your host know in advance. If one of your guests is a vegetarian, you need to ask for a little more information. Some vegetarians don’t eat eggs or dairy products, for instance, whereas others do. If you’re hosting a restaurant meal, tell the maître d’ that you or a guest is a vegetarian.

Find out whether the restaurant offers a vegetarian menu. Ask for suggestions. It’s a good idea to ask guests whom you don’t know well whether they have any special dietary considerations. If you can’t accommodate them, you can say something like this: “I’ve planned this party around my grandmother’s meat lasagna recipe, but plenty of salads and snacks will be available, or you can stop by later for dessert.” The key point is to not make a big deal out of it.

A vegetarian can skip certain dishes and, if there is a question, simply say: “Everything is fine. I just don’t eat meat.” Comments like “I don’t eat dead animals” are unnecessary, rude, and offensive. In addition to knowing how a restaurant works, you should get to know a couple of good restaurants really well. Become a regular. Learn the names of the key staff people and engage them in conversation when convenient. After a while, you will be greeted more warmly and given special attention in these places. Also, you will feel more comfortable dining there and bringing guests.

Chopstick Tips

In our shrinking world, you may find yourself in a situation in which politeness requires you to use chopsticks. Here is a step-by-step guide to eating with them.

1. Put the bottom chopstick in the web of your right hand between the thumb and index finger.
2. Use your two middle fingers to keep the chopstick steady. Hold it firmly but not too rigidly. This bottom chopstick will remain fairly stationary while you are eating.
3. Hold the top chopstick like a pencil between your thumb and index finger. This one does most of the moving.

You can hold the bowl or plate of food under your chin while you’re eating until you feel really confident. In fact, you can continue to do so even after you have become an expert; it’s proper etiquette in Asian cultures.

A good way to learn is to practice picking up popcorn with chopsticks at home. Although it’s good to know how to use chopsticks, you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for a fork in most situations. In fact, the Chinese are the ones who invented the fork. (And now you know why.)

Tips for Toasting

Toasting can make even a meal at the local diner a special occasion. It can add a festive air to a gathering and has a way of bringing everyone at the table together. The host proposes a toast, often welcoming a guest to a meal, at the beginning of the meal. The toast may also occur in the middle of the meal, when the host raises a glass to the guest of honor on his or her right. If the host has stage fright, it is acceptable to have his or her spouse make the toast. A guest may also propose a toast, but only after the host.

An example of an excellent toast was given at a dinner for Nobel Prize winners in the State Dining Room of the White House. President John F. Kennedy rose and said, “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, ever gathered at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined here alone.”
You don’t have to be that clever. A typical welcoming toast might be “I am so pleased that you all could be here to share each other’s good company and this good food. Welcome.”

Instead of offering the toast at the beginning, you might want to wait until the end. In that case, you could stand and toast the guest of honor this way, “I am so pleased that you could all be here to welcome my dear friend Florence, who’s come all the way from Rome to visit.” Or “It’s wonderful to have Florence with us tonight. Let’s toast a rare woman who looks at every situation in life as an opportunity to give of herself, to make things better, happier, and more fun. To Florence.” Or be even more specific: “I am particularly honored to have my mother-in-law with us tonight, jogging Jo Fleischmann—triathlete, pal, coach, and mom extraordinaire. To Jo.”

One-word toasts, such as the Danish skol and the Spanish salud, both of which mean “health,” are pretty much universally accepted as symbols of welcome. It’s a nice idea to toast people in their native tongue but be sure to use the correct pronunciation.
Some examples follow:

• Irish: Slante (SLANT tay)
• Yiddish: L’chaim (leh KHY yim)
• German: Prosit (PRO sit)
• Japanese: Kanpai (kahn pi)

Tips for Tipping in Restaurant

Even if you use a credit card, carry some cash for tips. If you are a regular at a restaurant, or if you have gotten exceptional service and plan to return, tipping the maître d’ is appropriate. A maître d’ who provides you with a great table for a special event or oversees a smooth-running business meal should receive $10 to $20 in cash, depending on the size of your group and the complexity of your special requests. A captain or waiter (the person who takes your order) should get five percent of the bill either in cash or specified on the bill if you use a credit card.

Your server should get at least 15 percent of your total bill, according to the level of service provided. Remember that the server usually divides your tip among the entire service team, which includes bartenders and bussers. The sommelier should be tipped 15 percent of the wine bill if he or she performs special services (such as helping you choose the right wine for your meal). Checkroom attendants get $1 per coat. Add another dollar for each briefcase, pair of boots, or umbrella you or your guests check.